


Through the Ghost

by amiyade



Series: Moments [1]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Gen, Light Angst, Mass Effect 2, Normandy feels, One Shot, Team Bonding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-10
Updated: 2014-09-10
Packaged: 2018-02-16 21:26:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2284992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amiyade/pseuds/amiyade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Visiting the Normandy crash site might not have been such a good idea after all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Through the Ghost

**Author's Note:**

> I'd like to build a monument or an altar to Shinedown for making awesome music that can represent my feelings so well and I don't have to go through that hell called 'finding title for my stories'.  
> Anyway, just a short story about how the crash site affected the Commander, since it sure as hell made me sad...

He felt cold. Well, according to the scans the temperature was somewhere around minus twenty degrees, so of course it was freezing, except he shouldn’t have felt it, since his suit kept an optimum temperature for his body. But he was still cold. Shepard looked around at the remnants of the first Normandy and again he thought this was not a good idea after all. The memories came back more vivid than he anticipated and left him chilled on the inside. He resumed his search with more reluctance. All this has been lying here undisturbed for two years, but suddenly the Alliance wanted to honour the wreckage, so they sent him out knowing he would not refuse. He wasn’t so naïve as to think that they discovered it recently; they just didn’t bother with it until now. He was quite sure they were more than eager to declare him dead and finally be able to use him as the hero they’d wanted him to be and not as the man he really was. Just to be quickly forgotten. How convenient. Too bad he wasn’t dead anymore. So now they sent him out here, since no one else would bother. He shook his head to get rid of his thoughts and made his way yet to another dog tag he noticed in the distance.

When he returned to the shuttle Shepard just sat down on one of the chairs and stared at the ruined helmet in his hands. _You shouldn't bring this back. Why do you even want to keep it?_

“Are you ready to leave, Commander?” EDI's voice startled him out of his thoughts and he looked up.

“Yes, take back the shuttle to the Normandy.” He closed his eyes, leaned his head back to the seat and was never more grateful for the autopilot.

When he got back to his cabin Shepard put down the damaged helmet on his desk and started the long and automatic process of removing and putting away his armour. He thought about taking a shower to cast away the cold from his bones, but he knew it won’t help anyway, so why bother. After pulling on a clean shirt he sat down on the bed and rested his elbows on his knees looking at the clock. 0323. He was longer gone than he thought, but still could catch some sleep, which he definitely needed. If only it wasn’t so quiet. He remembered Tali telling him how she couldn’t sleep on the first Normandy, because it was too quiet. Now he could relate to that; with the silence the memories came back. Shepard closed his eyes, rubbed his forehead tiredly wishing them away, but it was no good.

The crash site was too fresh in his mind and more things came back, one after another. The explosions, the screams; first Kaidan, then Joker calling after him, his own breathing as the air leaked from the suit and the darkness. His eyes snapped open and he inhaled sharply trying to focus only on his breathing to fight back the panic. _So much for sleeping._ He stood up and moved to the nightstand to take out a little bottle from the back. He got it the first time he visited Omega after his resurrection. He never opened it though and now seemed an appropriate time. He looked around in the room perplexed. Even the alcohol won’t help the silence. His eyes landed on the empty fish tank. He never really paid much attention to it; maybe he should buy some fishes. Some say watching them has a calming effect on the mind. He huffed out an unamused breath; this fish tank could not hold the amount of fishes his mind would need to calm down. Besides, most likely he’d just forget to feed them anyway.

With the bottle in one hand he grabbed the data pad he brought back from the wreckage and made his way out of the cabin, hoping he won’t meet with anyone on his way. They had shifts, so there were always people awake and working, but not many in these hours. Shepard ended up by the reactor core, it was out of sight, empty and he welcomed the constant buzz. It filled his ears and mind, making it easier not to think. He placed the data pad on the console, out of the way for now. He opened the bottle and took a careful sip of it, tasting. Then a bigger one, wincing as the alcohol burned its way down his throat. Good. He stared out at the faint blue energy field around the core just listening to the hum of the machines around him. He didn’t need this. Why did he even accept that assignment? The scars on his face throbbed in rhythm with his heartbeat and he had to resist the urge to rub them. It won’t help anyway. He took another swig and leaned on the railing looking at the bottle in his hands.

“Not fair, Shepard. Celebrating all by yourself.” Shepard closed his eyes for a few moments and sighed. Of course it was too much to ask to be left alone for some time.

“Does this look like celebrating to you? Your perception used to be better than that, Garrus.” He turned his head the turian’s way and watched him lean on the railing a few steps away from him.

“Well, you have an occasion and you have booze, what else am I supposed to think?” Shepard just shook his head and huffed out an amused breath. Not quite a laugh, but almost and he saw Garrus’ stance relax. Shepard nodded to the bottle in his hands.

“I would offer some to you, but I don’t think that would go well.”

“Yeah, lucky for you I’m also prescient.” Garrus produced a little purple bottle from somewhere of his armour and after a small toast he poured some liquid into his mouth.

“Please don’t tell me you’re running around with alcohol in your pocket all the time.” Shepard asked amused.

“Of course not, usually it’s for special bullets, but we’re not on a mission right now.”

“Fair enough” he knocked his bottle to Garrus’ and took another swig looking back to the drive core in front of him.

“Was it that bad?” The turian was watching the machines too, while he played with the bottle in his hands. Shepard knew exactly what he meant and he spent a few seconds to decide how to answer.

“Just made me remember some things.”

“Like?” Garrus asked when Shepard didn't further elaborate.

“I shouldn’t even be alive” answered the Commander reluctantly. “And some might say it’d have been better if I stayed dead, instead of what I’m doing. Or rather with who.”

“Shepard, I’m hurt.” The Commander shot him an annoyed look and Garrus shrugged. “If you mean Kaidan…” he paused and Shepard was careful not to react at all since he could see Garrus watching him from the corner of his eye. “Don’t worry. You just have to save the galaxy again and I’m sure he’ll come around.”

“Piece of cake” said the Commander with a grimace. “You all could see the big picture or at least let me explain. Hell, even Jack joined us and if someone has something against Cerberus it’s her. But Kaidan walked out on me at the first mention of Cerberus’ name.”

“You forget that he had something to go back to. The rest of us… not so much. The Illusive Man sure knew the kind of people to recruit for this mission.”

“But I thought he knew me better than this.” He tried his best to keep the bitterness out of his voice, but most likely failed.

“Shepard, I have to remind you, that for us it was two years, long two years. Losing the Normandy, losing you and watching everything crumble to pieces without you was one of the hardest things in my life. It was hard on everyone.”

“No kidding. For weeks I had nightmares about the moment you shut the pod’s door in my face. Do you have any idea what was it like to tell everyone you didn’t make it?!” Both turned to the pilot approaching them with careful steps.

“Yeah, sorry about that, Joker.” Shepard let the sad smile stretch his lips which showed he wasn't entirely joking and the pilot frowned at him.

“No, stop that, that’s even worse.”

“What?” He looked at Garrus, who just shook his head, then back to Joker with a confused expression on his face.

“Don’t be nice. I saw how you normally interact with people, you’re creeping me out.”

“I can be a jerk with you too, if that’d make you feel better, Joker.” Shepard crossed his arms over his chest and smirked at the pilot.

“Nah” Joker whisked with a little laugh and the same time another voice joined them.

“We know you love us all.” Tali walked up to them, closing the little circle they formed.

“Uh-huh” Shepard just shook his head at that. “Tali, I have something for you.” He grabbed the data pad he put on the console earlier and handed it over to the quarian. She took it from him, reading silently. After a few moments she looked up to the Commander.

“Shepard, I’m not sure I should…” but her protest was cut off.

“Just keep reading.”

“What is it?” Joker asked craning his neck to look at the pad too.

“A part of Navigator Pressly's journal I found at the crash site.” A compassionate silence ascended upon them and Shepard could tell the moment Tali reached the end, because her fingers flexed on the data pad.

“I...” she handed the pad to Garrus, who scanned the words quickly and huffed out a little laugh. “Thank you for showing me this, Shepard.”

“Wow, I almost can tell you are smiling, how crazy is that?” Joker narrowed his eyes at Tali, then looked at Shepard with a grin.

“I'm more proud of that I can tell when he's smiling” Shepard nodded at Garrus.

“There's nothing difficult in reading turian facial expressions; it's you, other races that lack the perception.” Garrus crossed his arms over his chest which made his lecturing tone even more hilarious.

“He meant that turians don't smile.” Tali said and Shepard really could hear the smile in her voice.

“Hm...Point taken.” They all laughed out and it was something Shepard didn’t hear in a long time.

“Alright people, party’s over. EDI, how long ‘til we reach our destination?” Shepard ignored the overdramatic disappointed noises coming from the others.

“Two hours and forty eight minutes” came the reply from the coms immediately.

“Okay, everyone get back to your place and get a nap or something. I need everyone ready for this next mission.” They actually saluted him as he walked past them still in a high spirit; it filled Shepard’s chest with warmth, but he only let the fond smile out when he walked away from them. He decided to take his own advice for once and get some shut eye, two and a half hour wasn’t much, but it was all he had. His steps felt lighter, than before as he walked up to the elevator and he felt that now, he’d be able to sleep.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. ^^


End file.
